On August 21st, I left the office for awhile so that I could go for a walk outside and experience the solar eclipse. “Don’t stare at the sun,” they say, so I didn’t – I only stole a quick glance from time to time. Unfortunately, it didn’t meet my expectations. I was expecting it to be obvious, to see the moon’s dark shadow block out all but a glowing halo of the sun. All I saw was the same sun that I see every day.
Though I didn’t see the eclipse itself, I did see the effects of it. I saw the gathering of different groups of people standing outside in various places around town. Many of them had the special glasses you apparently needed in order to see the eclipse. I also saw everything turn to a beautiful, dim, glow, like you see at dusk or when the sun shines through the dark clouds right after a storm.
It’s disappointing when we feel like we’ve wasted our time and energy on something that didn’t pan out. But the disappointment often comes from missing the bigger picture. There are often discoveries to be made when we can take a step back.
Once we’re able to see the miraculous behind-the-scenes workings (of God, I believe), then we can learn to accept our misery, our pain. We may not like it in the moment, but we can accept it because we know what kind of joy or strength it can lead to.
After a particular rough day, I asked my husband if he ever feels God’s presence. I admitted that I didn’t and I feared that He has abandoned me, just like everyone else. In my weakest moments, I reach out to Him, expecting to feel a sense of warmth around me, like a loving embrace, but I don’t feel it. My husband said that he doesn’t get that sense either, but witnesses God all around us. In a moment of relief, of meeting the right people at the right time, in nature, in a stranger’s smile. Then I realized that I do indeed experience God every day. Even though I can’t see Him, I see the effects He has on the world for the better.
I have found myself before, agonizing over details and minor situations within my life. But when I take a step back and analyze my life with a level head, I realize that I am quite happy (or at the very least, content) with how things are turning out for me. It’s only my perspective that changes.