Influence

I‘ll admit, I can be somewhat of a chameleon when it comes to being around certain people.  I will pick up on their cues and adapt to their personality accordingly.  For example, I act a bit differently when I’m around my friend versus when I’m around my grandfather.  I’m sure there are some of you who can relate.  I think this is due to our inner desire to want to be liked.  Even those who want to be known for not caring what other people think want people to think about them in that light-as someone cool, laid back, a little rebellious or whatever.  I also think I can safely say that most of us prefer to avoid conflict.  We would rather put ourselves in the other person’s shoes and perhaps even mold our own point of views rather than be so quick to negate them in any way.  We would rather say, “Hmmm, yeah, I can see where you’re coming from” than to say, “No, I completely disagree”.  We think it’s easier to get along with someone that way.

So, does altering our personality a bit depending on who we’re around because we want to be liked and want to avoid conflict, a bad thing?  I know that for me, it is subconscious meaning that I don’t purposefully act differently around certain people.  I just think that the people we’re with bring out a certain side to ourselves.  So it can’t be a bad thing if we’re just being ourselves.  Personality is a complex thing.  It is multidimensional.  It’s made up of lots of random parts that when put together, make up you.  No two personalities are alike, not ever exactly.  We all cross paths with different people and experience different things, externally and internally.  This is the reason why whenever someone asks me to tell them a little bit about myself, I am somewhat dumbfounded.  It’s like I don’t know where to begin.  How can I possibly recollect and then choose which parts of me are more worthy to tell among the others?  Then I usually just tell the person my stats (where I’m from, where I went to college, where I moved to, my marital status, etc.) because it’s easier to say that than to say who I am.  (I know, I need to work on this.)

In order to remain true to ourselves, it’s important not to confuse mimicking someone as borrowing from them.  When I was little, I wanted to be just like my cousin.  Not just like her, but I think I wanted to be her and live the life she had.  I bought the same clothes she had, listened to the same music she did, cut my hair the same as hers and even tried to make my voice sound like hers.  This is obviously an example of mimicking someone and an unhealthy way to live.  Thankfully, somewhere along the line, I broke away from all of that and became my own person.  Looking at us today you can obviously tell that we are two very different people with different interests.  We still have a lot of things in common too though.  Despite growing up and finding my own place in the world, my cousin still influenced me and plays an important role in the development of the person I became.

The people in our lives influence us so much whether we realize it or not. That’s why it’s so important to let the right people in.  I am recently coming to the hard realization that sometimes this means it’s best to cut ties with some of the people in your life, even if you’ve known them for a long time.  I do believe in being there for someone who needs you if they reach out to you, but maybe you need to stop reaching out to them…. Just know that negative people will project a negative influence on you and positive people will project a positive influence.  Quality over quantity is key when it comes to relationships.

Ask yourself what kind of person you want to be and then align your life accordingly.  Start with looking at the people closest to you and the role they play in your life.  Also, take a look at yourself.  Are you projecting a positive influence on others?  Who are you letting yourself become?  Are you along for the ride as the person you want to be?  You are in control of who you are and who you’ll become.  Stay true to yourself and you won’t be led astray.