Caring

I worked with a girl at the front desk of a hotel and it was her last week working there. Throughout the week, whenever talking with her about something that would go wrong, a guest was being rude, or whatever, she would apathetically respond to it with, “Ask me if I care.” If you were to actually ask her, the answer she would give would be that no, she in fact did not care. Why should she? After all, she was about to leave and never look back.

What if we had this kind of perspective on life? If only we realized how finite it is, would we really care about the small stuff like what other people think of us? What if we should care though? Like a senior who slacks off his/her last year of school only to find that all that slacking is threatening their graduating on time… maybe there could be value in caring. To care or not to care…? Let’s take a look at two examples of song lyrics with different perspectives:

“Stressed Out” by Twenty One Pilots

I was told when I get older
All my fears would shrink

But now I’m insecure
And I care what people think

“Bad Reputation” by Joan Jett & The Blackhearts

The world’s in trouble, there’s no communication
An’ everyone can say what they wanna say
It never gets better, anyway

So why should I care about a bad reputation, anyway?

Let’s dissect these a bit. The perspective of the first song expresses a promise made to the narrator that would prove to be broken as he realizes, now that he’s older, he’s developed new, internalized fears.

The second song expresses a freedom from breaking gender norms – but this particular section airs on pessimism. The lyricist alludes that she shouldn’t care about what people think because there’s no hope in changing people’s views of her anyway. (sidenote: love this song; it’s on my workout playlist!)

Youthful naivety versus jadedness. I would propose that there is middle-ground between caring and not caring about what people think of us. The internet is riddled with articles and quotes stating that we shouldn’t care about what people think of us, that we’re only holding ourselves back from our full potential if we do. I don’t want to add to the commotion with a watered-down message that only echoes what’s already out there. I agree with these sentiments. Instead, I’ll play devil’s advocate and I’ll start by sharing my own realizations about why I care and reasons why maybe I should.

Let’s take Christianity for example; I think it’s very important what other’s think of my faith, because if they can respect and resonate with it, then in my personal opinion, this has the potential to lead them to a rich, fulfilling spiritual life.

Many times throughout life though, instead of wishing a bad situation would change, what I really wished for was not to care. The issue with this is that caring is a part of who I am. I recently learned just how much a part of me it is when someone (my pet) I cared for deeply, IMMENSELY, passed away.

For the next several days, thoughts of doing things for the first time again consumed me. For example, I’d think, “The last time I watched this show, he was alive,” or “The last time I showered, he was alive” or “The last time I cooked a meal, he was alive”. It made me hesitate doing these activities again because somehow moving on would mean accepting that he’s physically not here anymore. It felt as if time was only categorized into two segments: before he passed and after; as if representing some sort of rebirthing. I reminded myself of a parent who keeps a scrapbook of firsts for their new baby like first words, etc., except my scrapbook was full of internalized melancholy collections.

When I felt ready, I gradually would clean up his things. It was like taking a pill that you know you need to feel better, but it’s extremely hard to swallow.

The loss of my pet (who was practically my best friend) taught me an important lesson. One, it taught me that as hard as letting go is, it was much more bearable due to not only the caring individuals around me, but also in knowing that I cared for him to the absolute best of my ability. And the irony in all this, is that in turn, I started to care less about meaningless trifles. I began to value my loved one’s company even more and revere the present.

When it’s your time to leave this world behind, what will you care about? Will you let everything go? After all, you won’t be here to worry or deal with what’s left behind. Or, will there be some causes you will fight for until the very end because you want to leave the world a little better than how you found it? Are there people you will fight for because you want them to be okay without you? To some degree, the world will be different because you existed and your impact will ripple throughout history for years to come.

There’s a time to care and there’s a time to let go. I hope you find the proper balance between the two.