The Road We Walk

Learning to live life as a journey.

3 Questions to Ask Yourself When Battling Negativity

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Photo by Hans Veth on Unsplash
Notice the word “battling” from this title.  It implies that you will struggle with negativity and that you will fight it.  There can be no passivity on your part.  It will take conscious, mental effort in order to overcome it.  Not only will you be able to do this, but it will become easier the more you practice until one day… it won’t feel like such an overbearing battle anymore.    

Whenever we’re drowning in negativity, it’s good to already have a game plan for how to deal with it because our minds aren’t functioning at its best when we’re in that state.  We tend to lose all reason and logic and it seems like our negativity only breeds more negativity.  No one wants to be near us when we’re like that.  I know that for me, it can be difficult to not let someone’s negativity transfer to me, however, I think it should always be our goal to be the positive influence in other people’s lives rather than letting anyone’s negativity suede us to the dark side – but perhaps that’s a discussion for another time.  What I want to focus on now is how we can decelerate, or even better, stop completely the speeding roller coaster of our negativity so that we can salvage the rest of our day, move on, and be happier.  There are three questions that I tend to ask myself whenever I’m in a funk and they’ve really seemed to help me recuperate.  The three questions are:

1) What are the facts?

 

When we are deep in a funk, our negativity can cloud our thinking.  It’s important to separate what’s real from what’s not.  This is one way to help “snap out of it”.  I realize that it isn’t always that easy, but an honest reality check with yourself can help stop the momentum of negative thinking.

 

2) Does this serve me?

 

Once you collect the facts, you then want to discard not only what’s false, but also anything that may be true that doesn’t serve you.  Does the thought make you feel bad and does dwelling on it only make you feel worse?  If so, then it’s not helping you get out of your funk. 

 

3) What do I like?

 

If you are having negative thoughts about yourself, name something that you like about yourself. 
If you are having negative thoughts about someone else, name something that you like about that person. 
If you are having negative thoughts about a situation that you are in, name something that you like about that situation. 

 

For example, sometimes I feel negatively about how my job takes up all of my time and it feels like I have no time for myself.  So, first of all, what are the facts?  Well, I work eight hours a day at my job and have less time for other things I’d like to do, but it isn’t true that I have no time at all.  It may be true that fitting in time for certain things I’d like to do is difficult, but it’s not impossible.  Does this thought serve me?  No.  Dwelling on the fact that I don’t have as much time as I would like does more harm than good.  What do I like about this situation?  I like that my job provides me with an income that I can use to save for a house and that it has a retirement plan that can help support myself for the future.  I also often find the work that I do relaxing, such as typing and organizing files.         

 

The process is kind of like cleaning out your closet.  You need to first get rid of all the clothes that no longer fit you or that you no longer like to wear anymore.  Sometimes we have intentions of wearing something again that we haven’t worn in months, but deep down we know that we won’t (What will I honestly wear again and what will I not wear again?  Do these clothes serve me anymore?  What clothes do I like?).  Once we get rid of all of the junk, we can then start to think about replacing it with more quality items (quality/positive thoughts) that we’d actually want to wear.    

 

Sometimes our biggest obstacle is ourselves.  When we know the truth behind our negativity, we can then start to dismantle its power not only by seeing it for what it really is, but also by adjusting our focus toward the positive.  It takes conscious effort, especially when the positive seems invisible, but it is there – you just have to look for it.